A SUBJECT that unfortunately is on our minds today is bullying. Some children’s lives become a living hell because they’ve become the tar- gets of a bully or several bullies. Death is the outcome in extreme cases. It is not unknown for a victim to commit suicide to escape from bullying. It appears to me that the attack on this outrage must be two pronged. We must help the victim and protect him physically and psychologically. And we must realize that the bully also desperately needs our help.

Who can help? Many of us: the parents and family of the victim, the parents and family of the bully. Also teachers and educational administrators, coaches and other adult leaders plus anyone who witnesses an incident of bullying. It’s so natural and easy for passersby to not act by telling himself that it’s none of his business and that it is the responsibility of other adults to deal with the situation. But you cannot assume that someone else is going to rescue the child.

What should we do if we witness bullying? If we know the parent of either of the children, we can start by talking to them and making sure they are aware of the situation and taking it seriously. If this is not feasible, report what you have witnessed to the police. This may seem dramatic but the police have a protocol to deal with these reports.

Parents of the victim need to know that children do not always report bullying. They make excuses for the results of the attack: cuts, bruises, anxiety, etc. They say they fell down or had some sort of accident. They have become convinced that telling would be “tattling” and only a “sissy” would tell. If the results persist, parents should become suspicious and explore further.

Be aware that your child may persist in his denial and you may have to talk to others in his life to discover what is really going on. You may even have to watch for yourself. Counseling with a professional may be helpful in onvincing your child that he deserves to protect himself by being truthful. He may also develop techniques to avoid and/or discourage the bully.

Parents of the bully should be aware that their child may deny or minimize his actions. Monitor your child’s behavior for evidence of anger, either outright or in actions that tend to disrespect others. Something to be aware of is that a child who is really happy with himself does not need to pick on others. Therefore, counseling with a professional could be really important for your child. When we are honest with ourselves, what we want for our child is for him to be happy. That is the bottom line, isn’t it?

Please take bullying seriously. It is a serious issue... an issue of life and death! tj

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